32 Pills: My Sister's Suicide

32 Pills: My Sister's Suicide is a 2017 autobiographical documentary by Hope Litoff, offering a deeply personal and profound exploration into the life and tragic death of her sister Ruth Litoff, a renowned photographer known for her hauntingly beautiful work. The film seamlessly blends elements of tragedy, mystery, and creative exploration, surfacing as a sincere, heartbreaking, and revealing film about mental illness, family dynamics, and the enduring power of love.

Ruth Litoff was a brilliant artist, whose photography was featured in major galleries and lauded for its expressiveness and depth. Her thought-provoking visuals were equally celebrated and revered, renowned for their raw power and the vivid emotional landscapes they conjured. However, beneath this creative genius, Ruth was fighting a fierce battle with mental illness that eventually succumbed her to suicide in December of 2008.

The film is essentially a courageous journey by her sister, Hope Litoff, to delve into the labyrinth of her sister's internal struggles and the painstaking realities of her mental illness. It is a journey that steers Hope not only to confront her sister's demons but also her own. As a recovering alcoholic, Hope is also battling her personal daemons and the loss of her sister takes her to the edge of her sobriety.

Over the course of the film, Hope traces her sister's life through an exploration of Ruth's art and the journals, notes, and letters she left behind. 32 Pills is a painful yet necessary journey into understanding Ruth's final days, as well as an exploration of her unfulfilled life. The title of the documentary, 32 Pills, gets its name from the number of pills Ruth ingested, in her final suicidal act, a morose testimony to the intense suffering she endured.

The film alternatively oscillates between Ruth's mesmerising art and Hope's raw, sincere and intimate narration. This gives an extraordinary depth to the narrative, drawing us closer to Ruth's world, her brilliance, despair and intricate complexities. The exploration is even more heart-wrenching because it is through the lens of Hope – Ruth's sister – and thus is inherently personal and emotionally saturated.

Beyond its heartrending personal narrative, the documentary also highlights the pervasive stigma surrounding mental health, suicide, and the gaping holes in the systemic understanding and treatment of severe mental conditions. It doesn't shy away from confronting difficult topics like suicide ideation, depression, bipolar disorder, and the impact of such conditions on both the individual and their loved ones.

At its core, 32 Pills provides an eye-opening depiction of what it really means to have someone you love grappling with mental illness. It is about the beauty and tragedy that can exist in one person – the radiant creative force that was Ruth Litoff, and the deep-seated pain that inevitably led her to take her own life.

While the film is a cathartic journey for Hope, it is also a tribute to Ruth. It shares Ruth's story, celebrating her creative genius and exploring her personal struggles, giving the audiences a comprehensive understanding of who Ruth was as an individual, beyond her mental health issues. It is palpable that Hope Litoff made the film to humanize Ruth, painting her not just as a victim of suicide, but as a vibrant, multifaceted woman and artist.

In the process of revealing the truth about her sister's life and death, Hope also grapples with her personal demons. She processes grief, guilt, denial, and anger, showing the messy, complicated reality of dealing with a loved one's suicide. This film becomes as much about Hope's healing as it is about Ruth's tragedy.

In conclusion, 32 Pills: My Sister's Suicide, is a deeply moving, heartbreakingly intimate, and brave exploration of the impact of mental illness on the individual and their family. It is a touching reminder that behind the statistics on mental health and suicide, there are real people with lives, dreams, and loved ones. Directed and framed with genuine care, sincerity, and respect, this film is a powerful testament to the enduring bonds of love, incredibly human in its portrayal of pain, and unforgettable in its truth.